


Hurt

by kittys_devil



Series: Hurt_Comfort Bingo [10]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Anxiety Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-14
Updated: 2011-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-26 02:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/277433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittys_devil/pseuds/kittys_devil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started as a week to stay home. Tommy never thought it would get this bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Triggering for panic disorder, anxiety, agoraphobia
> 
> Thanks to Jillian75 for the amazing beta job!Love you!!
> 
> This was written for hurt/comfort bingo, phobia square.

He was sinking lower and lower. He knew this. He felt it getting stronger, but there was nothing that Tommy could do about it. He knew that once the spiral started there was very little to stop it. At some point he would hit rock bottom and then he could climb out again, hoping that it would never happen again.

But this time was different. Tommy didn’t realize it right away. But this was lower than he had ever been. And before he knew it, he hadn’t left the house for a week.

Then it was a month.

Then it was two.

There was always an excuse, some reason why he couldn’t leave and so far everyone had bought it. A few times he said he was sick, he had a head ache, he had something he had to figure out on his bass. He had to talk to his mom (who he never called) or wait for a friend to call that Tommy knew didn’t even exist.He was getting better and better at coming up with reasons. You can only be sick so many times. Even he does not get that many colds. And he should have everything mastered as many times as he used music as an excuse.

But there was always Adam.

He had been pushing Tommy more and more. They had not been on a date for four months now. Tommy saw the looks that Adam gave him. The concern was there, but he never asked. And Tommy was sure that if he did ask, there would just be more lies. There were always more lies. Tommy was doing anything he could to hide from what he didn’t even want to admit to himself.

He was terrified to leave the house. He was terrified to face the real world.

He was also terrified to admit this to anyone.

Tommy was supposed to be normal. He was not supposed to have some irrational fear about leaving the house. Nothing would happen to him. Right? But no, he was terrified to the point that even going near the door would make his heart race.

When Adam talked about the tour, Tommy had no idea how he was going to do it. His heart would race, his pulse would thrum through his body and his chest would start to suffocate him. And that was just at the thought of walking out the door. He was positive that actually walking out the door would kill him. So he listened, made agreeing noises at the right times, acted like he was just as excited as Adam was. It was all working, so Tommy thought.

~*~

Adam had guessed for a while that something was wrong. But it’s Tommy! He gets sucked into his own world so often, that it sometimes seems like more than it really is. Adam was almost afraid to ask, he didn’t want Tommy thinking he couldn’t have his time, the space he needed away from him and everyone else.

But this time it had been longer and a lot more isolated than any other time. This time they were home and not running around the States or Europe. So maybe it was the same.

When Adam walked in the door after a day of recording and meetings, he knew he couldn’t avoid it any more. He heard music before he recognized the lyrics.

 _I wear this crown of thorns_  
Upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair  
Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here 

_What have I become_  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt

He found Tommy sitting in the middle of the floor, tears running down his face. Tommy looked up like he was shocked to see Adam standing there.

Adam almost missed the “I’m too scared…” that Tommy whispered before he fell into Adam’s arms.

They sat there for some time. The song playing over and over as Tommy cried and shook. Adam whispered soothing words, not having any idea what was going on. He knew he couldn’t pressure him, that Tommy would tell him soon enough.

~*~

Tommy felt his breathing return to normal as he clung to Adam, feeling foolish for having Adam find him like this. But Tommy noticed right away that Adam never said it would be okay. All he said was they would get through it.

So when Tommy pulled back and looked into Adam’s eyes, he knew he could stop the lies. He could say out loud how the world scared him.  
He told Adam all of it. Tommy told Adam how the little ping that grew into panic when he thought about leaving the house. He told Adam the little things that scared him that grew into something bigger than even Tommy could handle.

Tommy sat there with Adam’s arms around him and talked and talked. He let the feeling of the strong arms holding him comfort him. He knew Adam couldn’t make it better, but just having him listen, helped.

It was going to be a hard road, but Tommy was certain he would get over this. He knew the day he finally left the house again, it would be special.

Maybe he would ask Adam to marry him then too.

  



End file.
